I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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