So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
