Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
