I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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