it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
