hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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