pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
