I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
