He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
