Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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