hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
