why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
