I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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