Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
