you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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