Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
