I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish you could order shots online.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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