Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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