Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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