Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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