so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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