dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
