don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
