And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
