i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
