Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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