I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
