she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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