thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
