there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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