you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
