I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
