i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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