the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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