just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
