In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
