My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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