just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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