areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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