Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
