I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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