I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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