I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
