totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
