Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
