we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
