We're facebook friends in real life
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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