so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
