she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
