Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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