Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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