PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
