I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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