talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
